The Next Chapter – Choices and Reminders

My wife and I recently watched as our eldest child headed off to college for the first time, as he read this letter the night before he left he commented that these were good “life” reminders, I agreed, and so share the letter here: 

August 28, 2015

My dear sweet Harrison,

I’ve noticed that the mornings stay darker a little later and that the evenings are drawing in, and I am reminded that this is nature’s nod to the fact that everything has a season, and that everything must end and begin again. Just as I know that the seasons change, I’ve known since the day we brought you home from the hospital, that this season of you being a daily constant in our home and our lives would end and that your new beginning, in college, would start.

The time has come my love – the freedom that has excited you and that you are so ready for is here, and yet this same freedom is one that I have very mixed emotions about.

I have both dreaded this moment and been incredibly excited for it.

I think I’ve privately dreaded this day since I first held you almost nineteen years ago. As a parent you learn the difficult lesson that raising children is in fact to embrace a love that is built on the reality of constantly having to let go of things, of constantly having to let go of you. Letting go of you as your learned to crawl, saying goodbye to your little clothes, dropping you off at pre-school, waving the bus goodbye, watching you go out with your friends, and watching you drive away from the house with your brand new license.

Your mom and I have also learned that the deep love that we have for you has changed us as people. You have added an indescribable richness to who we are as you have grown, challenged, tried, failed, argued, agreed, laughed, cried and blossomed as our “beautiful boy”

And so here we are, on the verge of this next chapter of your life, and as the page turns we are as excited to watch you embrace it, as you are likely to go grab it.

And yet I have this mix of stuff going on… I know you won’t be very far away, but emotionally I’m going to miss having my “little man” around. It’s going to hurt because I know we have to say goodbye to a chapter of our lives that is closing; leaving us with the memories, the mementos, the pictures and the stories; but it is over, it is done, it is closed, it is time.

While I will work hard not to cry tomorrow Harrison, you know me as well as anyone and you know that I’m proud of my emotions and share them unconditionally with you. I will work hard not to cry because this is an exciting happy time (the mix of stuff…) and yet as I write this I have become overwhelmed with tears and the desire to hold you so tightly, to remember all that we did together, the adventures we had, the plans we made and even the things that we never quite got to…

I remember you in the hospital in Beverly, hiding in the dryer in Manchester, building walls in Rockport, sailing up to Maine, treehouses in Amherst, snakes in the kitchen, tongues on lamp-posts, your bravery leaving Amherst, a wooden boat project in the backyard, running in Chicago, and fishing in Ipswich, and I remember laughing, crying, running, playing, learning and living with you as you grew up to be the college bound adult that stands before us, and I miss you Harrison. I miss you so very much.

H - no teeth

Watching you learn and grow continues to be one of the greatest blessings and experiences of my life, so as I reflect back on all that you have given us, the lessons you have taught us and the example you will continue to be for all those blessed to be a part of your life, I wanted to share with you some guidance as you navigate this next chapter, some choices and some reminders…

Some choices – remember they’re exactly that, choices:

  • Smiling OVER scowling
  • Working for it OVER wishing for it
  • Optimism OVER pessimism
  • Owning it OVER making excuses, blaming others, complaining or gossiping
  • Being kind OVER being unkind or rude
  • Believing in your abilities OVER believing in your insecurities
  • Hugs OVER handshakes
  • Loving yourself OVER beating yourself up
  • Being your own hero OVER waiting for a hero
  • Doing what’s necessary OVER doing what’s easy
  • Living for today OVER living for someday
  • Being vulnerable OVER being perfect
  • Living with purpose OVER sleepwalking through life
  • Talking to people OVER talking about people
  • Being happy OVER being right

Some reminders:

  1. Have goals and review them
  2. Use logic and reason AND listen to your gut and your heart
  3. Admit when you’re wrong
  4. Praise others – privately and publicly
  5. Be appreciative – say “thank you”, even better, write “thank you”
  6. Ask for help, remember that you are a work in progress
  7. Love life and let it show – be honest with your emotions and bring them with you
  8. There are no limits to what you can do – remember: “if it is to be it is up to me”
  9. You are empowered – take a risk, speak up, be brave. It’s OK if your hands shake and your voice quivers. Be brave, speak your heart.
  10. Take time for you – rest, relax, restore, and exercise
  11. People and relationships are everything – stay in touch, reach out, lift others up, help people succeed, pick people up
  12. Be mindful and take action – if you see something, say or do something.
  13. Strive for purpose, find your passion. Do what you do with love, energy, audacity and proof
  14. Remember that the small things are the big things
  15. Above all, remember that you are a work in progress, you are blessed and you are forgiven.

Harrison – you will find your own guides, reflect on your own words of wisdom, and learn your own lessons (you already have many of them under your belt…) and I know you’ll be searching for your own answers along the way at Emmanuel, but please also know that if you ever need help, advice, a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen, that I am always, always, always here for you.

What I have shared with you is what guides me. I work hard to live up to it every day, and every day I fall short, but that’s OK. Reaching out for advice, help and inspiration is not a sign of weakness my love, it is a sign of strength.

Time will slip by, the next chapter will end I suspect more quickly than the last.

This time is yours, you’ve earned it, give it as much as it will give you. And remember, as a wiser person than me once shared, “There is no grand prize at the end of your life, no all-expense paid trip to utopia. This is your final destination, this is your life. The prize is here, now, in every breath you take, every new friend you make, every kiss, every hug, every challenge, and every exciting piece of information you discover.”

Godspeed little man! Breathe it in, savor every sip, enjoy every moment! Oh the places you’ll go!

I love you,

Daddy


Dreams from Telluride

Rainbow Lake near TellurideEleanor Roosevelt is quoted as saying:

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams…”

With each passing hour I am reminded how blessed, humbled and fortunate I am to be a part of this year’s Telluride Patient Safety Summer Camp Roundtable. The setting up here in the mountains is surely beautiful, and so are the dreams, honesty, transparency and truthfulness of the students and their faculty.

With each presentation, discussion, break-out, game, meal, and conversation I am struck by the honesty and openness of the future of healthcare.

We cannot expect to envision and lead a truly safe healthcare culture unless we are willing to dream, and then share those dreams. For these are the dreams of transparent, trusting, patient and caregiver centered, and compassionate care.

I have already learned so much from the students and faculty here in this beautiful place, please keep telling your brave stories, be brave enough to share your dreams, and be brave enough to embrace that you are culture, and your dreams are an inspiration.