My wife and I recently watched as our eldest child headed off to college for the first time, as he read this letter the night before he left he commented that these were good “life” reminders, I agreed, and so share the letter here:
August 28, 2015
My dear sweet Harrison,
I’ve noticed that the mornings stay darker a little later and that the evenings are drawing in, and I am reminded that this is nature’s nod to the fact that everything has a season, and that everything must end and begin again. Just as I know that the seasons change, I’ve known since the day we brought you home from the hospital, that this season of you being a daily constant in our home and our lives would end and that your new beginning, in college, would start.
The time has come my love – the freedom that has excited you and that you are so ready for is here, and yet this same freedom is one that I have very mixed emotions about.
I have both dreaded this moment and been incredibly excited for it.
I think I’ve privately dreaded this day since I first held you almost nineteen years ago. As a parent you learn the difficult lesson that raising children is in fact to embrace a love that is built on the reality of constantly having to let go of things, of constantly having to let go of you. Letting go of you as your learned to crawl, saying goodbye to your little clothes, dropping you off at pre-school, waving the bus goodbye, watching you go out with your friends, and watching you drive away from the house with your brand new license.
Your mom and I have also learned that the deep love that we have for you has changed us as people. You have added an indescribable richness to who we are as you have grown, challenged, tried, failed, argued, agreed, laughed, cried and blossomed as our “beautiful boy”
And so here we are, on the verge of this next chapter of your life, and as the page turns we are as excited to watch you embrace it, as you are likely to go grab it.
And yet I have this mix of stuff going on… I know you won’t be very far away, but emotionally I’m going to miss having my “little man” around. It’s going to hurt because I know we have to say goodbye to a chapter of our lives that is closing; leaving us with the memories, the mementos, the pictures and the stories; but it is over, it is done, it is closed, it is time.
While I will work hard not to cry tomorrow Harrison, you know me as well as anyone and you know that I’m proud of my emotions and share them unconditionally with you. I will work hard not to cry because this is an exciting happy time (the mix of stuff…) and yet as I write this I have become overwhelmed with tears and the desire to hold you so tightly, to remember all that we did together, the adventures we had, the plans we made and even the things that we never quite got to…
I remember you in the hospital in Beverly, hiding in the dryer in Manchester, building walls in Rockport, sailing up to Maine, treehouses in Amherst, snakes in the kitchen, tongues on lamp-posts, your bravery leaving Amherst, a wooden boat project in the backyard, running in Chicago, and fishing in Ipswich, and I remember laughing, crying, running, playing, learning and living with you as you grew up to be the college bound adult that stands before us, and I miss you Harrison. I miss you so very much.
Watching you learn and grow continues to be one of the greatest blessings and experiences of my life, so as I reflect back on all that you have given us, the lessons you have taught us and the example you will continue to be for all those blessed to be a part of your life, I wanted to share with you some guidance as you navigate this next chapter, some choices and some reminders…
Some choices – remember they’re exactly that, choices:
- Smiling OVER scowling
- Working for it OVER wishing for it
- Optimism OVER pessimism
- Owning it OVER making excuses, blaming others, complaining or gossiping
- Being kind OVER being unkind or rude
- Believing in your abilities OVER believing in your insecurities
- Hugs OVER handshakes
- Loving yourself OVER beating yourself up
- Being your own hero OVER waiting for a hero
- Doing what’s necessary OVER doing what’s easy
- Living for today OVER living for someday
- Being vulnerable OVER being perfect
- Living with purpose OVER sleepwalking through life
- Talking to people OVER talking about people
- Being happy OVER being right
- Have goals and review them
- Use logic and reason AND listen to your gut and your heart
- Admit when you’re wrong
- Praise others – privately and publicly
- Be appreciative – say “thank you”, even better, write “thank you”
- Ask for help, remember that you are a work in progress
- Love life and let it show – be honest with your emotions and bring them with you
- There are no limits to what you can do – remember: “if it is to be it is up to me”
- You are empowered – take a risk, speak up, be brave. It’s OK if your hands shake and your voice quivers. Be brave, speak your heart.
- Take time for you – rest, relax, restore, and exercise
- People and relationships are everything – stay in touch, reach out, lift others up, help people succeed, pick people up
- Be mindful and take action – if you see something, say or do something.
- Strive for purpose, find your passion. Do what you do with love, energy, audacity and proof
- Remember that the small things are the big things
- Above all, remember that you are a work in progress, you are blessed and you are forgiven.
Harrison – you will find your own guides, reflect on your own words of wisdom, and learn your own lessons (you already have many of them under your belt…) and I know you’ll be searching for your own answers along the way at Emmanuel, but please also know that if you ever need help, advice, a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen, that I am always, always, always here for you.
What I have shared with you is what guides me. I work hard to live up to it every day, and every day I fall short, but that’s OK. Reaching out for advice, help and inspiration is not a sign of weakness my love, it is a sign of strength.
Time will slip by, the next chapter will end I suspect more quickly than the last.
This time is yours, you’ve earned it, give it as much as it will give you. And remember, as a wiser person than me once shared, “There is no grand prize at the end of your life, no all-expense paid trip to utopia. This is your final destination, this is your life. The prize is here, now, in every breath you take, every new friend you make, every kiss, every hug, every challenge, and every exciting piece of information you discover.”
Godspeed little man! Breathe it in, savor every sip, enjoy every moment! Oh the places you’ll go!
I love you,
An Impressive Group
Full disclosure here – this is a story about my son, this is the guy that pushed his father to run a marathon this past fall, this is my little boy that is growing up, and (if all goes to plan) is headed off to college this fall. This is his story and I have to admit, my wife and I are bursting with pride!
This is a story of love, commitment, leadership and humility.
Our son has been bitten by a bug so to speak. Not the bug of lethargy and complacency, that I think I feared might befall a high school senior, nor the bug of curfew breaking, and late night calls that could have accompanied a spirited, strong-willed eighteen year old. No, this is the bug of hard work, service, and a deep commitment to the welfare and happiness of others.
This however is not just his story, in fact, this is the remarkable part; this is the story of a group of high school aged “kids” that belong to the youth group at our church. Last summer, as they have in the past, this group gathered together (with support from the church and the community), to head to a place that was in need. Real need.
Fifteen strong, with adult chaperones, they boarded a flight to Glendora, Mississippi.
With each person’s luggage being kept to a minimum (carry-ons only), this allowed their checked bags to be filled with needed supplies: clothes, books, tools, dry foods and toys.
They committed to a deeply held belief that they are the accountable entities, and that if change was going to happen, they would have to act differently.
A Small Group
A small group of citizens, making a difference.
This, I figure, is living proof that Margaret Mead got it right when she stated “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”
These children left their hometown of Ipswich, MA with a view of the world that likely didn’t stray far from three square meals a day, a warm bed at night, a school packed with supplies and resources, and summer vacations spent at the local beach.
They came home changed.
They came home sad, thoughtful, melancholy, inspired, committed and well and truly changed for the better.
They came home believing that with privilege comes responsibility, they came home with a strong commitment to want to use their talents to help those with less, they came home committed to go back!
This is a community with very few of the amenities and services that we take for granted. This is a community where the median household income is about $17,000 a year. Many of the children of Glendora found it difficult to believe that these 17 and 18 year olds were not parents and had not yet been incarcerated.
As our son told me, “Dad, I need to work with these people, alongside them, so that we learn from each other and share what we can. We have so much to share Dad, I don’t need all this, and I have to give back…”
This group spent a week building playgrounds, setting-up a library for local children, and crafted a summer camp curriculum that lives on. They spent their down-time walking the one-road town picking up trash, they cleaned up a neighborhood that remains grateful to this day.
They are living proof that change only happens when we embody it, act differently, and lead by example.
So this is their story, and they want to go back and do more. They believe in the power of a small group of committed citizens. They do not have the resources from their church or town and yet they remain committed to going back to their friends in Glendora, who believe in them.
I believe in them, we believe in our son.
Thank you for considering and supporting their efforts to raise funds for this trip. Herewith a link to their story and their fund raising effort.
Culture and Love – a story from 2014
As 2014 drew to a close last week many a news outlet spent time reflecting back on the highs and the lows of the past year. Whether framed as a “top 10 list” or presented more as the best and the worst, here in northeastern Massachusetts one particular story caught my ear.
This was the Market Basket Story, a tale of unparalleled employee unity and pride, and living proof that a small group of committed people can in fact make a difference.
If you’re unfamiliar with this particular tale, there was a real cast of characters; long-time feuding, wealthy family members, unfairly (some would argue) fired senior executives, passionate, committed employees, and deeply loyal customers.
Bottom line: local grocery-store chain CEO fired by cousin (hate each other) board member, employees (loyal is an understatement) outraged and walk off the job, stand-off ensues, employees rally for the fired CEO to be reinstated, customers stay away at the request of employees (and there are no supplies on the shelves) and eventually the fired CEO buys enough shares to take control of the company and is reinstated – celebrations all around and bonus checks for employees!
The news story that I heard a few days ago was celebrating the fact that the entire body of employees has been recognized as the Boston Globe’s “2014 Business Person of the Year”, and reflecting on the leadership of Arthur T. Demoulas, the reinstated CEO, making the statement “… he was reinstated along with his culture of generosity, kindness and caring.”
I love this statement! His Culture!
Think about the words, his culture. This is not an abstract, difficult to grasp concept – this is his, the way he leads, the way he works.
In our work to improve safety in healthcare the word ‘culture’ gets tossed around all too easily. It’s easy to blame the culture, almost as if doing so excuses the behavior. It rolls off the tongue as part of our standard vernacular, and is often the response to much of what ails us:
Q: “Why are some of your operating rooms using surgical checklists and others not?”
A: “That’s just the way we do things here, it’s our culture…”
Q: “What stopped you from speaking up when you saw your senior colleague acting in that rude, disrespectful manner?”
A: “That’s the culture on this team, keep your mouth shut and your head down…”
It strikes me that we cite or state culture as the root-cause of the problem because it creates the impression that fixing or changing it is nigh on impossible. That to tackle, change or create a new culture is a myth so complicated that we best not even try…
The Market Basket story annihilates this myth.
Health and care leaders listen up
Culture is the way we act as leaders. It is the tone we set, the expectations we communicate, and the behavior, language and performance that we tolerate.
Culture is the way we (you and I) do things. Do you want a communicative, fair, safe culture? Then communicate openly about the good, the bad and the ugly. Be fair with the people that choose to work in your organization, and with the way you make decisions (don’t interpret as treating everyone the same…), and model an environment where speaking up about your mistakes and owning them is celebrated not frowned upon.
Remember, if it is to be it is up to me.
“His culture of generosity, caring and kindness.” The reporter goes on to interview Arthur T. (reinstated CEO) and he describes some additional tenets by which he runs his company, with fairness, justice, and connection to the human soul.
They’re running supermarkets people, and he’s talking about connecting to the human soul…
He nails it when he shares that the secret to this incredible story is to remember that they are, “… in the people business first, and the food business second.”
Health and care safety in 2015
People business first, medicine business second.
People is where our focus needs to be. Caring and healing our patients and their families, absolutely, it’s the calling that many of us responded to that finds us doing the work we do. But it needs to be more than this…
I propose that in 2015 we need our focus to be more on the people that provide this care – as leaders we need to make these people ‘the business that we are in.’ They will take care of their patients.
Commit to being in the people business first. The care givers; the nurses, the technicians, the physicians, the patient care attendants, the unit secretaries, the managers, the supervisors, the housekeepers, the pharmacists, the social workers and each other.
Provide the generosity, kindness, love, fairness and justice that connects them to their purpose, reminds them of their calling, and creates a safe environment for them to deliver the best care possible.
The reporter for the piece on Market Basket closed out the segment by suggesting that the Market Basket employee’s actions have presented other companies throughout the Commonwealth and around the world with a challenge of sorts – loyalty is one thing, these folks though clearly love where they work, and who they work for…
From loyalty to love!
Perhaps for 2016…
“Bless you!” were the first words out of my mouth when I heard someone say peachakoocha during this week’s 26th annual Institute for Healthcare Improvement (IHI) Forum in Orlando, FL. On hearing the word, my 12-year-old daughter thinks it sounds like the name of a Pokemon character…
Weird word = wonderful experience
In a conference environment that can be all too often filled with long-winded PowerPoint presentations with presenters reading slides, this was an energizing and welcome change.
“PEH–cha KOO-cha,’’ is the English pronunciation, of what appears to be a rough translation of the Japanese word(s) for “chit chat’’. Picture an event akin to a poetry slam. A Pecha Kucha is where subject matter experts get together to share their work, opinions and beliefs, and get to hear from others. A fast paced opportunity to share, learn and be inspired.
Pecha Kucha started in 2003 in Tokyo and has since migrated to almost every country in the world. Originally designed to share ideas in design, architecture and photography, it has apparently now come to healthcare. There are now Pecha Kucha ‘nights’ in more than 300 cities around the world.
How does this work?
The Pecha Kucha at this weeks IHI meeting was hosted by Helen Bevan, Chief Transformation Officer for NHS Horizons Group (UK) who acted as host and ‘race marshal’. She explained to the audience what would happen, then welcomed each presenter to the podium, and then asked, “are you ready?”, setting their slides running for the ensuing sub seven minute presentation (6 minutes, 40 seconds)…
Presenters — there were 8 of them at the IHI — shared and narrated 20 slides for 20 seconds that “auto-ran”, meaning the presenter had no control over slide advancement, the slides roll…
The 20 x 20 format is at the core of a Pecha Kucha. The emphasis here is on speed! Can’t keep up, then you’re likely not ready for this rapid fire onslaught of ideas and inspiration.
What we witnessed at the IHI Forum was a Pecha Kucha focused on the theme of “my hope for the future of healthcare”. These were inspiring stories of why each presenter had been called to make a difference in healthcare and provided insights into specific projects that each of them were working on. Beautifully inspiring, brave, personal stories of commitments to lean in and make health and care safer, more accessible and more relationship driven; the triple aim is alive, well and thriving!
A refreshing change at a terrific conference. I commend Helen for leading this and congratulate the IHI for welcoming this imitation of a clearly different approach to sharing, learning and inspiring.
I’m a Pecha Kucha fan!
Check out this Pecha Kucha Storify
Yesterday afternoon the faculty and students at the “Telluride-East” Patient Safety Summer Camp visited Arlington National Cemetery.
As we paused for some reflections from our leaders Paul Levy and Dave Mayer I was overcome by the scale of what presented itself in the form of field upon field of white grave markers.
Poignant words reminded those gathered that we were indeed standing on hallowed ground and that many have given, and continue to give, the ultimate sacrifice. A sobering reality is that there are between 25 and 30 new burials every day at the cemetery.
Following our time of reflection I took a walk to reflect on the sacrifice, loss, and scale of what lay beneath me. 400,000 markers of lives once lived, now at rest.
In a recent piece of research published in the Journal of Patient Safety it is estimated that more than 400,000 hospital deaths are attributed to preventable harm. Put another way, since August 2013 more than 400,000 mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters are no longer alive as a result of harm that could have been prevented with better designed systems, more situational awareness, and other proven human factors and safety science approaches in health care.
I think these numbers are becoming “noise” for many leaders in healthcare, we have heard the numbers and yet still choose not to make the different decisions and the difficult choices. We disassociate from the difficult reality because we don’t “see” the totality of what we are doing.
The grave markers stopped me in my tracks, a visual reminder of what we are doing every year in healthcare by tolerating variation, blaming people, doing the same things over and over and expecting different outcomes.
My walk took me to the Kennedy family grave site. Off to the side of the eternal flame is a Robert F. Kennedy quote that really resonated with the work we are doing with the faculty and students at Telluride-East:
It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.
Robert F. Kennedy, South Africa, 1966
This quote captures what I will leave this time of learning and sharing with, and what I urge the students, residents and faculty to find the courage to continue doing…
- Lean in and keep speaking up to improve safety; these are the “numberless diverse acts of courage”
- Believe in yourself and the difference you can make
- Stand up for what you know is right and stand up for those less brave and courageous than yourself
- Speak up, even when your voice quivers and your hands shake. Speak up for patients, the ones you care for, know and for the one’s you dont…
- Most of all, send forth a “tiny ripple of hope”. These ripples will build to a current. These ripples will make care safer
- By thinking and acting differently, by bravely speaking up and taking a stand we will sweep down what often feels like a mighty wall
I commit to making ripples and I urge my new found colleagues and friends to do the same.
Make ripples. Ripples save lives, ripples make care safer.
I am an optimistic person that believes that there are plethora hospital leaders doing the very difficult work of changing healthcare to make their cultures more effective, healthy, transparent, more reliable and less variable. I witness examples of these heroes every single day.
So before I take a little time to rant, let me explain… I work with healthcare leaders that are committed to learning from the past to improve the future, with data as their driver and compass. It is not easy work, per se (let’s be clear, it’s also not the front line care of patients), but it is work that I absolutely love! My reality is that what I do for work is a calling; and so my personal opinions are inherently woven into the work I do, I cannot unravel them.
I tell you this part as explanation, and part introduction; please know that I will never reveal the names of those I reference and would ask that your assumptions be kept to yourself. Needless to say, I think you’d be surprised…
I am sick and tired of the fact that I see many leaders in health care not being honest with themselves.
Unprofessional behavior is tolerated, expectations remain unclear, variation in practice is permitted, and human error is being allowed to harm patients; all the while telling people that they are the greatest, safest, most efficient healthcare system(s) in the world.
Why this lack of honesty? Is it that we’re afraid, or is it that we don’t know?
Do we not know the answers to safer more reliable, transparent, less costly care?
If we don’t know, are we embarrassed to admit that we lack the knowledge?
Are we afraid that if we stop supporting and promulgating the structures, systems, processes, excuses, and people that result in our current dangerous reality, that this will be an admission of past guilt? Are we afraid of the difficult conversations and actions that will be needed to lead a different organization?
I think it’s a combination of embarrassment, fear and a multitude of other deeply held attributes that many smart, well educated professionals have a difficult time “owning” and acting upon.
Let me be clear, I don’t think this is a knowledge gap. Other industries are way out in front of us with their use of technology, their speed to change long held approaches that no longer work, and their desire and ability to learn from others. Many hospitals have taken the lead and are modeling that you can hire for ‘fit’, support daily safety huddles and commit to a goal of “zero preventable harm”, just as a start.
I think we’re afraid of the reality that if we fess up to the fact that we have tolerated bad behavior, poor performance and mediocrity for so very long; that we will have to be vulnerable, naked, open to criticism, and honest with ourselves that yesterday we tolerated and did things that are no longer OK today…
So I have a challenge for myself and fellow healthcare leaders:
Start taking personal accountability for who and what your hospitals are. The good (great), the bad, and, the ugly. You are culture!
Own up to the fact that you know who your poor performers are…
Own up to the fact that you may not have articulated your expectations clearly…
Own up to the fact that there are voices of expertise within your organization that you are not listening to…
Own up to the fact that your hospitals culture is staring back at you from your bathroom mirror…
Own up to the fact that if you cannot state “zero preventable harm” as a goal – then, by definition, you have agreed to hurt someone’s loved one in a way that could have been prevented…
Own up to the fact that you got into this because you want to make a difference…
Own up to the fact that you’re tired, over worked, stressed, and that you don’t have all the answers…
Get out, go home, hang it up, retire! Your colleagues, caregivers, team, patients, community, all deserve better than your dishonesty.
We are surely complicit if we continue to stand by and watch – mute, deaf and blind.
I met with a senior member of a hospitals quality and safety department last week, he confided in me (after looking over his shoulder to make sure the door was closed) that his very reputable AMC doesn’t have the leadership “strength” to state that ‘zero preventable harm’ is their goal. He’s embarrassed and afraid to challenge his CEO.
I met with a senior management team that wanted me to know (after I’d found trash lying on the floor of their lobby, that they had walked past and ignored, and I suggested they ‘pick up trash’) that they “have people to do that…”
I hear leaders tell me that they know that their high revenue producing, senior position holding, research leading, long tenure physician colleagues are abusive bullies, and yet they are still employed, practicing and getting their annual bonuses…
These are choices, and my challenge is for us to make different choices.
My challenge comes with a promise…
My promise, is to keep asking difficult questions, pushing for the right answers, and encouraging and coaching healthcare leaders to be brave. Brave to ask when we don’t know, brave to admit that we made a mistake, and brave to reach out and request help.
I for one am not afraid. Apprehensive and nervous, for sure. Apprehensive that my comments will be seen as negative, accusatory and blaming, and nervous that this sentiment will be seen as one more heretic in the noisy world of working to improving safety and become more reliable and excellent.
But when I think about who we are harming, who we hurt every day in the spirit of “health” and “care”, I am not afraid. When I hear the stories of burned out, stressed, under resourced care giver friends and colleagues, I am not afraid. I’m buoyed, inspired and deeply moved by the memories of people like Michael Skolnik, Josie King, Lewis Blackman, and Jerod Loeb; people I never knew, but people who deserved so much better from the cultures that surrounded them and that were meant to take better care of them.
I am also encouraged and inspired by the health and care radicals (leaders at all levels of their organizations) that are making a difference and inspiring their colleagues to think differently, act differently, be transparent, have difficult conversations, model different behaviors and deliver on the promise of “Primum non nocere”.
So my promise is to keep asking difficult questions, pushing for the right answers, and encouraging and coaching healthcare leaders to be brave.
I leave you with challenges and inspirations from three very different healthcare leaders whose work I admire, and who model this mindset of personal accountability;
- “Rock the boat, without falling out” Helen Bevan (NHS guru of innovative change)
- “Ignite the fire within, not the fire underneath” Peter Fuda (Aussie based wicked smart PhD)
- “Proceed until apprehended…” Florence Nightingale
Last month, at CRICO, we hosted healthcare leaders from around the country at our annual patient safety symposium “Walk This Way”. My talented colleague and dear friend, Dana Siegal, RN, CPHRM, opened up the meeting with a theatrically inspired look back over her career as a registered nurse, and patient safety expert. Reflecting through narrative and performance that we (healthcare) have come a long way with regard to our tolerance/acceptance of smoking in the workplace…
Now, if that’s all you were left with, you missed her point! She deftly wove the analogy of smoking in with many other “journeys” of change, from seat-belts to car seats, from drunk driving to exposure to sunshine safety. Up to and including our current journey of patient safety; from pre-IOM report, through “Crossing the Quality Chasm”, up to and including the most recent Lucian Leape white papers.
With this as a back drop, Dana challenged us with a hopeful message, that indeed journey’s such as these take time, require leadership and demand that we stay focused. We explored how attitudes, policies, and behaviors—that is, the workplace culture— related to smoking changes over time. We looked back in amazement to a time when physicians, nurses, and patients openly smoked cigarettes in hospitals and other health care settings…
Then we asked our Walk This Way attendees to place themselves 10 years into the future, and make a prediction about changes related to patient safety in their workplace that would make the look back in amazement…
It’s hard to believe that back in 2014 we:
- Worried that all clinicians were not reporting adverse events or near misses or good catches
- Took over a year to build a patient portal while arguing about what to “allow” patients to see
- Shouted at colleagues while treating patients when something went wrong
- Sequestered doctors and nurses from other health care workers
- Kept adverse events a secret from staff
- Expected patients to make their own appointments for consults and follow-ups
- Blamed people working in bad systems versus looking at the process and making that better
It’s hard to believe that back in 2014 we didn’t:
- Allow patients full access to all parts of their medical record so that they can truly partner with us in their care
- Always wash our hands when seeing patients
- Feel comfortable stopping the line when something doesn’t seem right
- Have a standardized handoff process
- Have efficient systems for formally tracking/following up on abnormal test results
- Respond effectively to every instance of disrespectful behavior
- Round on patients as an interdisciplinary team
By definition, this is our “current state”…
What will you look back on in 2024 and be “amazed” that we did or didn’t do?
Does it need to take us ten years?